Is Playtime really over?

Kids need lots of play – preferably unstructured play that is uncontrolled by adults – to learn many things. One of those things is socialization: how to settle quarrels, to make rules (and what to do when somebody breaks them), to respect the rights of others, and to understand principles such as fair play. These are just some of the numerous skills – including academic ones – that are best learned through experience.

Some people argue that the days of unsupervised play are over, that life today is too dangerous for that. And, in some places, that could be true. But just because some urban areas aren’t as safe as they could be for kids, children’s play has to be structured. And the safety issue is highly debatable: Are parents these days just more prone to worry and thus supervise? Are we more concerned that our kids learn to compete than cooperate? Is it system issues regarding the structure and practices of school that work against unstructured play?

Fortunately, there are alternatives, and they lie in restructuring our education systems, rather than in structuring schools. The fast-growing number of unschooling families across North America and around the world are proof that playtime definitely does not have to be over.

Talking to your child about puberty

Start Early

Today, kids are exposed to so much information about sex and relationships on TV and the Internet that by the time they approach puberty, they may be familiar with some advanced ideas. And yet, talking about the issues of puberty remains an important job for parents because not all of a child's information comes from reliable sources.

Don't wait for your child to come to you with questions about his or her changing body — that day may never arrive, especially if your child doesn't know it's OK talk to you about this sensitive topic.

It's important to answer these questions about puberty honestly and openly By the time kids are 8 years old, they should know what physical and emotional changes are associated with puberty. That may seem young, but consider this: some girls are wearing training bras by then and some boys' voices begin to change just a few years later.

The Timing With Boys and Girls

With girls, it's vital that parents talk about menstruation before they actually get their periods. If they are unaware of what's happening, girls can be frightened by the sight and location of blood. Most girls get their first period when they're 12 or 13 years old, which is about two or two and a half years after they begin puberty. But some get their periods as early as age 9 and others get it as late as age 16.

On average, boys begin going through puberty a little later than girls, usually around age 11 or 12. But they may begin to develop sexually or have their first ejaculation without looking older or developing facial hair first.

Many kids receive some sex education at school. Often, though, the lessons are segregated, and the girls hear primarily about menstruation and training bras while the boys hear about erections and changing voices. It's important that girls learn about the changes boys go through and boys learn about those affecting girls, so check with teachers about their lesson plans so you know what gaps need to be filled. It's a good idea to review the lessons with your child, since kids often still have questions about certain topics.

What to Say

When talking to kids about puberty, it's important to offer reassurance that these changes are normal. Puberty brings about so many changes. It's easy for a child to feel insecure, and as if he or she is the only one experiencing these changes.

Many times, adolescents will express insecurity about their appearance as they go through puberty, but it can help them to know that everyone goes through the same things and that there's a huge amount of normal variation in their timing. Acne, mood changes, growth spurts, and hormonal changes — it's all part of growing up and everyone goes through it, but not always at the same pace.

Girls may begin puberty as early as second or third grade, and it can be upsetting if your daughter is the first one to get a training bra, for example. She may feel alone and awkward or like all eyes are on her in the school locker room.

With boys, observable changes include the cracking and then deepening of the voice, and the growth of facial hair. And just as with girls, if your son is an early bloomer, he may feel awkward or like he's the subject of stares from his classmates.

Kids should know the following about puberty:

·         Girls become more rounded, especially in the hips and legs.

·         Girls' breasts begin to swell and then grow, sometimes one faster than the other

·         Girls and boys get pubic hair and underarm hair, and their leg hair becomes thicker and darker.

·         Both girls and boys often get acne and start to sweat more.

·         Both girls and boys have a growth spurt.

·         Boys' voices change and become deeper.

·         Boys grow facial hair and their muscles get bigger

·         Boys sometimes have wet dreams, which means they ejaculate in their sleep.

·         When a girl begins menstruating, once a month, her uterine lining fills with blood in preparation for a fertilized egg. If the egg isn't fertilized, she will have a period. If it is fertilized, she will become pregnant.

·         A girl's period may last 3 days to a week, and she can use sanitary napkins (pads) or tampons to absorb the blood.

Tips for Talking

Let your child know that you're available any time to talk, but it's also important that you make time to talk. As embarrassing or difficult it may be for you to talk about these sensitive topics, your child will likely feel even more uncomfortable. As a parent, it's your job to try to discuss puberty — and the feelings associated with those changes — as openly as possible.

It can be made easier if you're confident that you know the subject matter. First, before you answer your child's questions, make sure your own questions have been answered. If you're not entirely comfortable having a conversation about puberty, practice what you want to say first or ask your child's doctor for advice. Let your child know that it may be a little uncomfortable to discuss, but it's an important talk to have.

If there are questions or concerns about pubertal development that you can't answer, a visit to your child's doctor may help provide reassurance.

Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD

Source-http://kidshealth.org/

Erikson's Psychosocial Stages

One of the main elements of Erikson’s psychosocial stage theory is the development of ego identity.¹ Ego identity is the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction. According to Erikson, our ego identity is constantly changing due to new experience and information we acquire in our daily interactions with others. In addition to ego identity, Erikson also believed that a sense of competence also motivates behaviors and actions. Each stage in Erikson’s theory is concerned with becoming competent in an area of life. If the stage is handled well, the person will feel a sense of mastery, which he sometimes referred to as ego strength or ego quality.² If the stage is managed poorly, the person will emerge with a sense of inadequacy.

In each stage, Erikson believed people experience a conflict that serves as a turning point in development. In Erikson’s view, these conflicts are centered on either developing a psychological quality or failing to develop that quality. During these times, the potential for personal growth is high, but so is the potential for failure.

Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development

Stage Basic Conflict Important Events Outcome Infancy (birth to 18 months) Trust vs. Mistrust Feeding Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliabilty, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust. Early Childhood (2 to 3 years) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt Toilet Training Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt. Preschool (3 to 5 years) Initiative vs. Guilt Exploration Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt. School Age (6 to 11 years) Industry vs. Inferiority School Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority. Adolescence (12 to 18 years) Identity vs. Role Confusion Social Relationships Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self. Yound Adulthood (19 to 40 years) Intimacy vs. Isolation Relationships Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation. Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years) Generativity vs. Stagnation Work and Parenthood Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. Maturity(65 to death) Ego Integrity vs. Despair Reflection on Life Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

http://psychology.about.com

How to be the Best Single Parent You Can

Divorce and Single Parenting

Children are resilient. They'll bounce back."
If you are in the midst of a divorce, you've likely heard these words. And as hurting parents, we hope it's true. We pray that our children will walk through the pain with few scars and little emotional pain. But while children do learn to adapt in even the toughest circumstances, divorce brings painful wounds, and they need our help to find healing.
Because of divorce, children will grieve a number of losses. One parent has moved out, and depending on the financial situation, the children may have to move to a new home, losing familiar surroundings. Friendships sometimes change, siblings grieve, money may be tight and their custodial parent may be hurt and angry as well. All sense of security and safety is compromised as children look around to see their new, unsettled world.


It is difficult and challenging to be a parent today, and it is even more difficult to raise children alone. We as parents are often overwhelmed and lacking the parenting skills necessary to do a good job. But good solid parenting has less to do with the number of parents in the home and more to do with the quality of parenting. Whether the single parent household is headed by a mother, father, or a grandparent, raising children alone is an enormous task.

The following strategies are offered to the single parent who is determined to raise a good kid despite the myths of doom and gloom.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

Adults and children do better when single parenthood is perceived as a viable option and not as a pathological situation. Start with a positive attitude and focus on the benefits of single parenting, such as less conflict and tension in the home. Many single parents treasure their newfound autonomy and independence and feel hopeful about the future.

DEAL WITH OVERLOAD

The single parent frequently feels overwhelmed by the responsibility, tasks, and emotional overload associated with raising children alone. It is extremely important to manage time wisely and to ask for help when necessary. Assign children appropriate chores and tasks. Arrange car pools when possible, and ask other parents for help when needed. My children would not have been able to continue in club soccer were it not for the kindness of other parents providing rides to practices and games.

DEVELOP A RELIABLE SUPPORT SYSTEM

Develop a wide network of people who can provide you with emotional support, companionship, help in emergencies, child- care, reality checks, etc. Be selective and choose caring, reliable, trustworthy people who will be there for you In times of need. Single parents with healthy support systems usually feel better mentally and physically and demonstrate to their children that it is OK to ask for help. Support groups for single parents offer an excellent opportunity to socialize and share with others in similar circumstances.

DO NOT TREAT YOUR CHILD AS A PEER

Do not confide in your child as though he/she is your peer, regardless of how mature the child appears to be. This is a common mistake made unintentionally by many single parents who turn to their child for emotional support and don't realize they are hurting the child until after the tact. Allow children to be children, and find other adults for companionship and support.

 

CREATE A STABLE, NURTURING HOME

Nurturing is a high priority, but children also crave stability and security. While this Is important for all children, it Is especially crucial for children who have suffered 8 loss of stability due to divorce or death of a parent. Children need to feel secure and protected, and it Is our Job as parents to create a nurturing environment where they can thrive. Your children need to hear how much you love them and how proud you are. Some children may require more affection and attention than others, so know your child, and take your cue from him/her.

A few more tips on how to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

Stem your own rising frustration level. Tantrums can raise blood pressure and stress levels in parents as well as children. If you really can’t handle a tantrum, make sure the child will be safe and spend a few moments away from him or her. The time-out has a calming effect for both of you. Get your spouse or other responsible person to look after the child while you calm down. Put your child in his or her room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.

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Try to determine the cause of the tantrum. Tantrums can be triggered by a number of things, and the cause of the tantrum should help determine your response to it. If a tantrum is caused by hungriness or sleepiness, you should feed the child or allow him or her to take a nap as soon as possible. If the tantrum is triggered by frustration or fear, you need to comfort your child. If the child feels ignored, spend some quality/quantity time with him, playing or reading, etc. If, however, your child is acting up because he or she can’t get his or her way…

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Do not reward the tantrum. If the parents give in, tantrums become a launching point for the child—a way to deal with the world socially. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by tantrums, your child will continue to use them long past the age when they would otherwise cease. Even if the child is throwing a fit because he hasn’t received enough attention, don’t reward the behavior now. Instead, resolve to make long-term changes to avoid future outbursts. Try not to panic or make concessions, but leave the scene, even if just for a few minutes. Go to the crying room at church—that’s what it's there for, after all—to the car, or even to the restroom to allow your child and you to regain control.

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Take steps to prevent injury. Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum. If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger. Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.

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Explain to the child that you will talk to him or her when he or she calms down. This will help your child to understand that you are ignoring her because her behavior is unacceptable, not because you don’t care about her. When the child calms down, fulfill your part of the bargain by discussing the tantrum and the child’s concerns.

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Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum, especially in a public place. Give him or her time to vent. Instead, give the child phrases to express the emotions that they are experiencing. Say phrases like, "You must be really tired after such a long day," or, "You must feel frustrated that you can't have what you want right now." This not only will help the child verbalize this later, but shows empathy for their feelings without having to give in.

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Discuss the behavior with your child once the tantrum has ended. While there’s no use trying to reason with a child in the midst of a tantrum, you both can learn a lot by discussing the incident afterwards. Explain that the behavior is unacceptable, but also make sure your child understands that you love him or her regardless. Try to discover the cause of the tantrum if you haven’t already, and take the opportunity to discuss better alternatives with your child.

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How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

The only people who find temper tantrums amusing are a child's grandparents—because it’s finally payback time as they watch their grown children struggle helplessly with their own little monsters. Unfortunately, tantrums are a fact of life for anyone with young children. They usually start before age two, when children experiment with different ways to communicate with others and to get what they want. Tantrums become more infrequent around age four, but some children continue to “throw fits” for years after that—even into adulthood.

While tantrums are unavoidable to some extent, you can prevent many of them and help your child learn better coping mechanisms by following some simple steps. This article will help you and your child navigate the tantrum years with your sanity intact.

Here are a few ways:

Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum. Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.

Don't set yourself up! Schedule activities around your child's needs.

Remember that your child's tantrum is NOT necessarily a way to "get his way", but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems! The lack of a place to nap is a common cause of tantrums.

Don't set yourself up! Schedule activities around your child's needs.

1.   Offer your child a choice of coping strategies. For example, your son wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny, you're really getting upset now. Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him a choice -- either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he won't influence others. If he makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset. Guide him to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better.

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Why Is Play So Important for kids?

· Play is how children learn and making it fun is nature's way of ensuring children get lots and lots of practice.

·  The games children play are directly linked to the needs of the growing body and mind.

·  Children have much more to learn and it takes much longer to grow up.

·  So many skills to learn - such as how to walk, talk and make things with your hands.

·  Each one needs lots of time spent playing and practising to perfection.It is how they learn.

· If play is a child's work then they must also have the tools for their trade.

· Toys are tools that help a child to enjoy play.