How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

The only people who find temper tantrums amusing are a child's grandparents—because it’s finally payback time as they watch their grown children struggle helplessly with their own little monsters. Unfortunately, tantrums are a fact of life for anyone with young children. They usually start before age two, when children experiment with different ways to communicate with others and to get what they want. Tantrums become more infrequent around age four, but some children continue to “throw fits” for years after that—even into adulthood.

While tantrums are unavoidable to some extent, you can prevent many of them and help your child learn better coping mechanisms by following some simple steps. This article will help you and your child navigate the tantrum years with your sanity intact.

Here are a few ways:

Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum. Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.

Don't set yourself up! Schedule activities around your child's needs.

Remember that your child's tantrum is NOT necessarily a way to "get his way", but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems! The lack of a place to nap is a common cause of tantrums.

Don't set yourself up! Schedule activities around your child's needs.

1.   Offer your child a choice of coping strategies. For example, your son wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny, you're really getting upset now. Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him a choice -- either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he won't influence others. If he makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset. Guide him to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better.

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