Five Keys to Infant and Child Development

Human beings appear to have approximately nine built-in feelings at birth. These findings are based on the work of researchers such as Darwin, Demos, Ekman, Izard, Nathanson, and, especially, Tomkins. These feelings later combine with each other and experience to form our complex emotional life. Understanding these feelings and how they work can make a world of difference for you and your baby.

The two positive feelings are interest and enjoyment; the feeling which resets the nervous system and gets it ready for other stimuli is called surprise; and the six negative feelings are distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust (a reaction to bad taste) and dissmell (a reaction to bad odors). Each of these feelings is signaled by a specific facial expression in your baby. These facial expressions provide the signals which help you understand what your baby is feeling. These nine feelings operate on a scale from low to high: interest-to-excitement, enjoyment-to-joy, surprise-to-startle, distress-to-anguish, anger-to-rage, fear-to-terror, shame-to-humiliation, and varying levels of disgust and dissmell.

There are some easy ways to use this information productively for you and your child. We call it the five keys in infant and child development. These keys can help enhance potential and prevent problems.

Key #1 – Allow the Full, Reasonable Expression of All Feelings
Allowing – and encouraging – the expression of these feelings is one of the most important aspects of establishing good communication with your child and nurturing healthy emotional development. By encouraging the baby’s interest, you learn what your baby has passion for. Interest – or curiosity – is at the root of all our exploratory, learning, discovering processes. Understanding where his/her passions and interests lie will enable your child later to make decisions about education, career, and spouse much easier with much more self-awareness.

We also want the child to express the so-called negative feelings – distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and dissmell. These signals are like an S.O.S. They tell us when a baby or child – or adult – is in trouble and needs help. If we somehow tell the baby or child not to express these feelings, the feelings will get bottled up and cause mischief inside, possibly resulting in a chronic sense of being misunderstood, not heard, not being able to trust the environment, angry, and despairing.

Key #2 – Maximize the Signals of Interest and Enjoyment
It is especially helpful to recognize and support a child’s interest. In this way, you learn about your child, and your child learns about herself. Supporting a child’s curiosity enhances his/her exploratory and learning activities. Even if the child is interested in doing something disruptive – like noisily pulling out pots and pans and playing with them – there is usually a way to redirect the behavior to fit the child’s interest and the parent’s sanity. Remember, a child’s “misbehavior” may simply be the interest feeling at work.

Key #3 – Remove the Triggers for the Negative Feelings
The negative signals – distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, dissmell – are simply S.O.S. cries that something is wrong… “please help!” By responding reasonably to these signals, you show your baby you understand him/her and that help is near at hand. This enhances tension-regulation. The major triggers of the negative signals in babies are hunger, fatigue, and pain (e.g., dirty diaper, illness, etc.).

Key #4 – Use Words, Even with Newborns, to Express Signals
By using words early to label feelings, you give your child a head start on the important process of putting words to action. This allows for greater awareness and thoughtfulness and decreases impulsivity. “That car horn surprised you, didn’t it?” “You are angry, aren’t you?” “You sure are interested in this.”

Key #5 – Be Aware of Your Child’s Desire to Be Like You
Infants and young children are eager to be like Mom and Dad. This is a powerful tool in helping your child with tension regulation and polite conduct. Speaking and acting calmly, putting feelings into words, not hitting or spanking under any condition, saying “thank you,” “please” and “I apologize” to your child – all this will result in your child following your lead.

These are the five keys of infant and child development. They are based on the nine signals. These easy keys will help enhance your child’s potential and prevent problems.

Source-http://babyparenting.about.com

RISK FACTORS AND DETERMINANTS OF CHILD MALTREATMENT

1. Child maltreatment can be viewed on a continuum of child-rearing practices, practices which are culturally defined.
2. Child development is a result of a complex process of interplays and shifting influences on physical, emotional, sexual, social and cognitive development
3. Child maltreatment is a multifaceted phenomenon which cannot be explained by one or two factors.

The findings from empirical research which exist today, can be organized and conceptualized into an ecological model suggested by Belsky and others. According to such a model there are four dimensions of risk factors which constitute the interplay pre-conditions for child maltreatment. It is the interplay, the dynamics between them which will determine whether child maltreatment will occur. They are 1) parental pre-disposition, 2) sources of stress, 3) characteristics of child and 4) social and cultural environmental milieu.

1. Parental Predispositions. 
Several characteristics of parents, both mothers and fathers, were found to be linked to child maltreatment.

• Psychological disturbance and psychopathology among parents. While the parent's psychopathology was evidence across all the various stages of family life cycle, it was most pronounced in the postpartum, infancy and early adolescence periods. · Parents developmental history. There is no doubt today about the association between experiences of mistreatment in one's own childhood and the potentiality for mistreatment of one's children. I emphasize the potentiality element, for we do not know the rate of those who were maltreated as children and became later on adequate parents.
• Mother's early age. Research suggests that parenting during adolescence may be a risk factor for child maltreatment. Teenage mothers were found to express undesirable child-rearing attitudes, to have unrealistic expectations for their child's development, and tend to be unresponsive to their young infants. However, we should not treat age of the mother as a categorical risk factor when it is part of the social and cultural milieu in a given society.
• Lack of education. Parental low education level and particularly lack of general knowledge regarding child development account for parental unrealistic expectations with regards to child's changing behavior, and constitute a potential risk for child maltreatment.

2. Sources of Stress Associated with Child Maltreatment
The accumulated work in the field of child abuse and neglect highlights several sources of stress which are likely to undermine parental functioning and lead to child maltreatment.

• Relationship between the parents. The relationship between the parents, either married or not, is a strong indication of the quality of parenting. Conflicts and tensions between them were found to be negatively correlated with the quality of parenting by both mothers and fathers.
• Social network. Social isolation was mentioned in the literature as a risk factor. The lack of support – emotionally as well as in concrete goods – from friends, neighbors and relatives has a heavy weight as a risk factor, especially when relationship between the parents are difficult, violent or non-existent.
• Unemployment. The linkage between total unemployment or underemployment and child maltreatment was established long ago. Decline in paternal authority, increase of arbitrary and punitive behavior toward children without the balance of supportiveness, were found to be common.
• Immigration. There isn't enough empirical evidence about child maltreatment among immigrant families, and it is difficult to sift out acceptable child-rearing practices among immigrant groups from child maltreatment. What can be said is that immigration may cause social isolation, unemployment and the lowering of social status as compared to the one held in the country of origin.
• Crises in family life. Sudden change in family life and family organization due to death, acute illness or divorce may also constitute a risk factor, when combined with other sources of stress and personal predisposition.

3. Characteristics of Child
Child maltreatment occurs in a framework of parent-child relationship and one has to consider the influence of the child on parental behavior. This is not to say that children are responsible for their abuse at the hands of their parents, but that there are perhaps certain characteristics which place the child at risk for being maltreated.

• Prematurity. There are ample sets of data which illustrate the effects of prematurity on parental behavior. Premature infants are usually weaker, less alert, harder to quiet if distressed than full term babies. Their parents do not tend, therefore, to be active and stimulating with them. Even later on in their lives it is difficult for the parents to find the right balance between over-stimulation and under-stimulation.
• Temperament of the child. Child's temperament is a characteristic which has a potential to elicit child abuse or neglect in as much as it clashes, or does not fit the parent's temperament.
• Retardation, emotional disturbance and physical handicap.These characteristics may also constitute risk factors for child maltreatment. Evolving data suggest that these particular characteristics negatively influence parental behavior, especially an aggressive behavior and difficulties in impulse control.

4. Social and Cultural Context
Our discussion of risk factors and determinants of child maltreatment, focused on abuse and neglect within the family. But, in addition we have to consider to what extent a particular child-rearing behavior is acceptable or deviant within one group, common or different between groups. Furthermore, we have to relate to parental behavior against the backdrop of the general social and cultural context.

• Social attitude toward children. We refer here to the ways in which children are viewed in a given culture. Are they considered to be the property of the parents? Till what age according to cultural norms they require the protection and nurturance of their parents? To what extent physical abuse is considered educational thus acceptable? And to what extent child labor is acceptable?
• Social attitude toward family. The main question here is to what extent the family is viewed as a unit which should not be tampered with. What are the social sanctions (formal, legal and informal) which exist and the ways they can be and are enforced in cases of families which deviate from the norms.
• Social attitude toward violent behavior. Is there a general acceptance of violence as a legitimate way to solve conflicts and disputes? Clearly when this is generally accepted, physical abuse of children will not be seen as a deviant parental behavior. Common sense tells us that certain social and cultural attitudes, like the ones mentioned, are conducive to child maltreatment within the family.

Interplay between Risk Factors 
As was mentioned earlier, child maltreatment is a result of a complex process, perhaps even several processes, of interplays and influences of various risk factors, across the dimensions described. Several questions come to mind and demand a very careful consideration. First, what is the specific weight or contribution of each factor in a given time, in the process of turning a potential into actual child maltreatment? Second, it is thought today that the potential for child maltreatment increases when there is an accumulation of risk factors (the dose theory). Are there specific combinations of risk factors within one dimension or across the four dimensions, that should alert us? Third, in addition to the above we need to ask whether there are unique and differential combinations of risk factors which are linked to and perhaps predictive of the different forms of child maltreatment. Fourth, we have also to consider whether an existing risk factor is transient and short-term stress, or is it of a long-term, chronic nature. What does this mean in terms of the potentials for child maltreatment? Fifth, our assessment of a specific family in a specific family in a given situation should not be focused only on risk factors. Rather, we need to look for strength, resiliency and existing support, which may serve as a balance, even a buffer against abuse. And the last point relates to our assessment and ways of prevention and intervention with high risk families. The processes of professional trainings of the various disciplines focus and emphasize different viewpoints. Furthermore, the goals and the structures of the settings where we practice may often limit the scope of our understanding of the problem. In order to deepen and refine our appreciation of the complex processes, by which the various risk factors interrelate, we need an ongoing exchange of ideas and observations across professional disciplines

Toddler Parenting Issues and Tips

1) Nutrition Basics

As your toddler gets off baby food and starts eating more and more regular 'table' food, you can expect his diet to look just like the rest of the family's diet. That means three meals a day and a couple of healthy snacks.

The typical toddler will likely get:

·         16-24 ounces of whole cow's milk each day, although this isn't necessary if your toddler is still nursing 2-3 times a day. Avoid low fat milk until your toddler is at least two years old.

·         no more than 4-6 ounces of 100% fruit juice each day.

·         on average, 6 servings of grains, 2-3 servings of vegetables, 2-3 servings of fruits, and 2 servings of 'protein' foods, like meat, fish, chicken, or legumes (beans, peas, lentils).

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2) Picky Eaters

Many parents would characterize the typical toddler as being a picky eater. Keep in mind that even if your toddler is a picky eater, if he is growing normally and is physically active, with a lot of energy, then his diet is probably okay.

Parents of picky eaters should remember that:

·         the typical serving size for a toddler is about 1/4 of what an adult size serving would be, so you would only expect a toddler to eat 1/4 of a slice of bread, 1-2 tablespoons of vegetables, or 1 ounce of meat.

·         if your toddler is drinking too much milk and/or juice, she may be too full to eat, so follow the typical recommendations of 16-24 ounces of milk and 4-6 ounces of juice.

·         most toddlers like to feed themselves, so give them lots of chances.

·         toddlers will often want to try what their parents are eating and that is a good opportunity to get them to try some new foods, although you may have to offer it several times before they even think of trying it.

3) Safety

Although your home should be childproofed by now, you have to be even more careful now as your toddler gets more mobile.

To keep your toddler safe, you should:

·         according to the latest car seat guidelines, toddlers should ride in a rear-facing car seat (infant-only rear facing car seat or rear-facing convertible car seat) until they are two years old or until they have reached the weight and height limits of their car seat. Although this means that some larger infants and toddlers might have to graduate to a rear-facing convertible car seat, there are several models of infant only seats with higher, 30 to 35 pound weight limits that should get you to the next car seat safety milestone.

·         in addition to having covers on electrical outlets, latches on cabinets, smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, etc., you should also be sure to remove climbing hazards from your home. It is also a good idea to use wall anchors to keep large appliances and furniture from tipping over if your child climbs on them. And place childproof covers on door knobs to make sure that your toddler can't get out of the house on his own or into rooms that aren't childproofed.

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4) Potty Training

Some toddlers are ready to begin potty training as early as eighteen months, while others don't begin until they are two years old or older. And while there are many different potty training methods, one thing is clear - starting too early or pushing your child to become potty trained when they aren't ready doesn't work. So develop a plan on how you want to potty train your child and then wait for signs of readiness.

5) Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are another universal part of the life a toddler, since they can get frustrated easily and can't express what they need or want very well. But while they are something that is to be expected, that doesn't mean that you can't take steps to try and make them happen less often. Most importantly:

·         try to anticipate tantrums, distract your child before one erupts, and keep in mind that most toddlers can't be easily calmed down once a tantrum starts, although you should pick up your child is you think they will hurt themselves.

·         don't give in to tantrums

Get more information about discipline.

6) Speech Delays

Most toddler who aren't talking 'well' aren't really delayed. They may not be talking as much as their parents want or expect them too, but that can still be normal. Before labeling your child's speech as delayed, consider that most toddlers:

·         begin to say Mama and Dada between 7 and 15 months

·         say 4-6 words between 11 and 22 months

·         say 50 or more words between 18 and 27 months

Improving Emotional Health STRATEGIES AND TIPS FOR GOOD MENTAL HEALTH

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behavior. They are able to handle life’s inevitable challenges, build strong relationships, and lead productive, fulfilling lives. When bad things happen, they’re able to bounce back and move on.

Unfortunately, too many people take their mental and emotional health for granted – focusing on it only when they develop problems. But just as it requires effort to build or maintain physical health, so it is with mental and emotional health. The more time and energy you invest in your emotional health, the stronger it will be. The good news is that there are many things you can do to boost your mood, build resilience, and get more enjoyment out of life.

What is mental health or emotional health?

Mental or emotional health refers to your overall psychological well-being. It includes the way you feel about yourself, the quality of your relationships, and your ability to manage your feelings and deal with difficulties.

Good mental health isn't just the absence of mental health problems. Being mentally or emotionally healthy is much more than being free of depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues. Rather than the absence of mental illness, mental and emotional health refers to the presence of positive characteristics. Similarly, not feeling bad is not the same as feeling good. While some people may not have negative feelings, they still need to do things that make them feel positive in order to achieve mental and emotional health.

People who are mentally and emotionally healthy have:

§  A sense of contentment.

§  A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.

§  The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.

§  A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships.

§  The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.

§  A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.

§  The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.

§  Self-confidence and high self-esteem.

These positive characteristics of mental and emotional health allow you to participate in life to the fullest extent possible through productive, meaningful activities and strong relationships. These positive characteristics also help you cope when faced with life's challenges and stresses.

The role of resilience in mental and emotional health

Being emotionally and mentally healthy doesn’t mean never going through bad times or experiencing emotional problems. We all go through disappointments, loss, and change. And while these are normal parts of life, they can still cause sadness, anxiety, and stress.

The difference is that people with good emotional health have an ability to bounce back from adversity, trauma, and stress. This ability is called resilience. People who are emotionally and mentally healthy have the tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a positive outlook. They remain focused, flexible, and creative in bad times as well as good.

One of the key factors in resilience is the ability to balance your emotions. The capacity to recognize your emotions and express them appropriately helps you avoid getting stuck in depression, anxiety, or other negative mood states. Another key factor is having a strong support network. Having trusted people you can turn to for encouragement and support will boost your resilience in tough times.

Physical health is connected to mental and emotional health

Taking care of your body is a powerful first step towards mental and emotional health. The mind and the body are linked. When you improve your physical health, you’ll automatically experience greater mental and emotional well-being. For example, exercise not only strengthens our heart and lungs, but also releases endorphins, powerful chemicals that energize us and lift our mood.

The activities you engage in and the daily choices you make affect the way you feel physically and emotionally.

§  Get enough rest. To have good mental and emotional health, it’s important to take care of your body. That includes getting enough sleep. Most people need seven to eight hours of sleep each night in order to function optimally. Learn More

§  Learn about good nutrition and practice it. The subject of nutrition is complicated and not always easy to put into practice. But the more you learn about what you eat and how it affects your energy and mood, the better you can feel. Learn More

§  Exercise to relieve stress and lift your mood. Exercise is a powerful antidote to stress, anxiety, and depression. Look for small ways to add activity to your day, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator or going on a short walk. To get the most mental health benefits, aim for 30 minutes or more of exercise per day. Learn More

§  Get a dose of sunlight every day. Sunlight lifts your mood, so try to get at least 10 to 15 minutes of sun per day. This can be done while exercising, gardening, or socializing.

§  Limit alcohol and avoid cigarettes and other drugs. These are stimulants that may unnaturally make you feel good in the short term, but have long-term negative consequences for mood and emotional health.

Improve mental and emotional health by taking care of yourself

In order to maintain and strengthen your mental and emotional health, it’s important to pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Don’t let stress and negative emotions build up. Try to maintain a balance between your daily responsibilities and the things you enjoy. If you take care of yourself, you’ll be better prepared to deal with challenges if and when they arise.

Taking care of yourself includes pursuing activities that naturally release endorphins and contribute to feeling good. In addition to physical exercise, endorphins are also naturally released when we:

§  Do things that positively impact others. Being useful to others and being valued for what you do can help build self-esteem.

§  Practice self-discipline. Self-control naturally leads to a sense of hopefulness and can help you overcome despair, helplessness, and other negative thoughts.

§  Learn or discover new things. Think of it as “intellectual candy”. Try taking an adult education class, join a book club, visit a museum, learn a new language, or simply travel somewhere new.

§  Enjoy the beauty of nature or art. Studies show that simply walking through a garden can lower blood pressure and reduce stress. The same goes for strolling through a park or an art gallery, hiking, admiring architecture, or sitting on a beach.

§  Appeal to your senses. Stay calm and energized by appealing to the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. Listen to music that lifts your mood, place flowers where you will see and smell them, massage your hands and feet, or sip a warm drink.

§  Engage in meaningful, creative work. Do things that challenge your creativity and make you feel productive, whether or not you get paid for it – things like gardening, drawing, writing, playing an instrument, or building something in your workshop.

§  Make leisure time a priority. Do things for no other reason than that it feels good to do them. Go to a funny movie, take a walk on the beach, listen to music, read a good book, or talk to a friend. Doing things just because they are fun is no indulgence. Play is an emotional and mental health necessity.

Supportive relationships: The foundation of emotional health

No matter how much time you devote to improving your mental and emotional health, you will still need the company of others to feel and be your best. Humans are social creatures with emotional needs for relationships and positive connections to others. We’re not meant to survive, let alone thrive, in isolation. Our social brains crave companionship—even when experience has made us shy and distrustful of others.

Social interaction—specifically talking to someone else about your problems—can also help to reduce stress. The key is to find a supportive relationship with someone who is a “good listener”—someone you can talk to regularly, preferably face-to-face, who will listen to you without a pre-existing agenda for how you should think or feel. A good listener will listen to the feelings behind your words, and won’t interrupt or judge or criticize you. The best way to find a good listener? Be a good listener yourself. Develop a friendship with someone you can talk to regularly, and then listen and support each other.

Tips and strategies for connecting to others:

§  Get out from behind your TV or computer screen. Screens have their place but they will never have the same effect as an expression of interest or a reassuring touch. Communication is a largely nonverbal experience that requires you to be in direct contact with other people, so don’t neglect your real-world relationships in favor of virtual interaction. 

§  Spend time daily, face-to-face, with people you like. Make spending time with people you enjoy a priority. Choose friends, neighbors, colleagues, and family members who are upbeat, positive, and interested in you. Take time to inquire about people you meet during the day that you like.

§  Volunteer. Doing something that helps others has a beneficial effect on how you feel about yourself. The meaning and purpose you find in helping others will enrich and expand your life. There is no limit to the individual and group volunteer opportunities you can explore. Schools, churches, nonprofits, and charitable organization of all sorts depend on volunteers for their survival.

§  Be a joiner. Join networking, social action, conservation, and special interest groups that meet on a regular basis. These groups offer wonderful opportunities for finding people with common interests – people you like being with who are potential friends.

3 Common Parenting Mistakes That Makes Toddler, Child and Teen Behavior Worse!

Have you ever found yourself frustrated because whatever discipline, bribes, or negotiations you use with your child, he or she still pushes your buttons?
Parenting is far from a walk in the park, as any mother or father knows. Not only do children demand everything from you, they also test your patience constantly. Children are always busy with ’something’ – and usually that ’something’ causes a mess that we have to clean up. The whining for new toys or treats can become so annoying. Or they resist us and openly defy us. Kids are expert manipulators, they usually have us completely figured out. Some parents actually become afraid of their kids, and have a sense of dread because they walk all over the parents.
But parenting need not be so difficult. In fact, there is a way that exhausted and stressed parents can reclaim their peace of mind in their own home. First, parents need to become aware of these common mistakes that actually cause the misbehavior in children and teenagers to get worse. These are the three most common mistakes that mothers and fathers make that actually sabotage their efforts to discipline and educate their children.

3 Common Parenting Mistakes Mothers and Fathers Make:

1. Not getting enough “me time.” A little self-rejuvenation goes a long way – parents need to emotionally re-charge.
2. Using discipline methods that don’t work. Spending a little time to learn about more effective ways to discipline your children so they cooperate more easily can save a lot of frustration.
3. Not responding to the underlying reason for their child’s misbehavior Reacting to the behavior rather than understanding the “root” of the misbehavior. Think about what your child may need that they’re not getting.

MISTAKE #1 – The ’super-mom’ syndrome

By far the biggest mistake most parents make is that they don’t take time for themselves. It’s the ’super-mom’ syndrome (or ’super-dad’). Sadly it’s considered normal that mothers and fathers over-extend themselves for the sake of the family, even to the point of exhaustion and health disturbances. The truth is that this formula simply doesn’t work. It back-fires once the exhausted mother has no more to give; she starts to become resentful, depressed, irritable, and loses her patience more and more as the demands on her don’t give her the break she needs. It’s common for exhausted parents to snap at their children or begin to use discipline methods that coerce children through threats, bribes, punishments and manipulation – which actually cause children to misbehave even more.
A stressed and exhausted mother simply doesn’t have the attention span and patience that her child may need. A child who isn’t getting the attention he or she needs from her parents will begin to behave in whatever manner necessary in order to get any crumb of attention, which can manifest as “naughty misbehavior” and “temper tantrums”.
Remember, you can only give what you have. So if you don’t give yourself the space and time to renew, rejuvenate and refresh yourself, how can you continue giving of yourself? Parents need to find someone to give them some attention and care too. If you’re a parent and you find yourself exhausted and frustrated more often than not, then you need to get some time to rejuvenate. Find a friend with whom you can meet with regularly and exchange “listening time” together. Having someone attentively listen to you and give you their full attention is one of the best ways to emotionally rejuvenate yourself.
Exercise is another, take time to work out your physical kinks by sweating and stretching away from your children. Even if it’s only for an hour at night after the kids go to sleep. Don’t worry if you can’t fully clean up the kitchen before bed… you don’t need to have everything perfect all the time.
What’s more important? An impeccably clean house or your emotional well-being? Sometimes you have to make a choice. Sometimes you have to put your emotional well-being as a higher priority to having a clean house.
There’s no reason that parenthood should feel like a prison. Think about it, you will be a parent for some time, so you might as well enjoy it. Otherwise you’ll find yourself old and look back with regret at all the wasted years. We don’t want that! If you are emotionally rejuvenated, then you’ll be able to give much better attention to your children. And your child will become much more cooperative and well behaved because of this. If you have to make big changes in your life to schedule more time for yourself – do it! Your child will thank you down the road.

MISTAKE #2 – Using out-dated discipline methods that don’t really work

Considering the vast impact that each generation has on our society in general, it’s amazing that we don’t have a proper parenting education system. The future of our world lies in the hands of our children. And how parents raise, discipline and teach the kids of today determines our future. After working with thousands of parents, we’ve discovered that most parents simply repeat the same discipline tactics that their parents used, without educating themselves on the different options available. Plus, many of these parents soon discover the long-lasting psychological effects that some of these out-dated discipline tactics can have on their children. In fact, many discipline methods actually contribute to the rise in attention deficit and hyperactivity symptoms, as well as increasingly worse teenage defiance and rebellion.
Not educating ourselves on the effects of many discipline methods and discovering healthier options is an easy mistake to make. After all, it’s how we were raised wasn’t it? The question we really need to ask is whether or not we want to learn new ways that work better to discipline our kids. We’ve often found that learning one or two new parenting skills can really make a big difference with parents who struggle with getting a defiant child to cooperate.
So often parents are at a loss as to how to respond to a child who throws a temper tantrum, shows defiance, is hyperactively out-of-control, or who has difficulty concentrating and maintaining attention. Unless parents learn new ways to respond then the frustrating behavior will keep on repeating.
The biggest key in resolving a child’s undesirable behavior is to understand the real reasons why the child is misbehaving. In our education program, parents are often surprised to learn that so many of the things they do to try to discipline their kids are actually making the misbehavior worse because the real needs and issues of the child are completely ignored. To learn about what the underlying reasons for misbehavior in children are, read the next common mistake parents make…

MISTAKE #3 – Not responding to the underlying reason for their child’s misbehavior.

One of the most common mistakes parents make is that they don’t address the “root” of their child’s behavior. When a child acts out; most parents rush them to composure, try to hush the tantrum or overpower the defiance. Yet, in reacting to the tantrum, crying, whining, hitting, biting, rebellion, name calling or whatever expression the misbehavior takes, parents are in effect missing their opportunity to really solve the underlying “root cause” of the child’s behavior.

There are 3 Reasons for a Child’s Misbehavior.

There are usually 3 reasons why a child may be acting in ways that are not desirable.
The first is that they have a genuine need that is not being met. The second reason is that they are reacting to some unresolved stress or tension. The third reason is that they are missing information about the situation. For example; a two year-old child simply doesn’t know that mud makes the floor dirty, so we can’t really blame them for tracking their dirty boots on the floor if we’re not supervising them close enough. In this example the two year-old needs missing information and needs some kind of physical barrier or closer supervision to stop them from tromping mud all over the floor.
If a teenager is doing something that is causing you stress and pain, it’s likely a cry for attention. Teenagers usually crave to have more time and attention from their parents, they usually desperately want to talk about their problems and uncertainties with someone they can trust, who won’t judge them, be-little them or take away their power by telling them what they should do. Many teenagers bury a lot of resentment and anger because they don’t have any safe space to express their emotions. If parents can free themselves up by getting emotional rejuvenation for themselves they can give their teenager or child the attention and time that they really need to work through these issues. But exhausted and stressed parents usually don’t have the wherewithal to deal with a teenager’s emotions; because often children will have strong feelings that come up which are often directed towards the parent.
If parents avoid the first mistake and give themselves the time and space to rejuvenate. Then they are more able to approach their child from a calmer, refreshed and less reactive stance, then they will be able to step back and really think about their child’s needs. Once parents figure out the real need of the child, then they can actually respond to the misbehavior in a way that will instantly fix it at the root.
Avoiding the second mistake means that you don’t keep beating your head on the wall trying to use various forms of punishments or rewards that don’t work in the long run.